


The withering of a flower.

by NintendoSatoRi



Series: The ___ of a flower. [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Blood, Blood and Gore, Canon Compliant, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, Kozume Kenma Needs a Hug, Kozume Kenma-centric, M/M, Mentioned Hinata Shouyou, Mentioned Kageyama Tobio, Mentioned Yamaguchi Tadashi, Minor Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Out of Character, READ NOTES, Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NintendoSatoRi/pseuds/NintendoSatoRi
Summary: Kenma could see the love-stricken faces, the starry-eyed stares Kuroo gave the other middle blocker.He felt the petals tickling at the back of his throat and the uncomfortable squeeze in his chest.Kenma knew the fate that laid before him, so he only had one decision to make.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: The ___ of a flower. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2023250
Kudos: 38





	The withering of a flower.

**Author's Note:**

> Well hello there, may I introduce you to some angst because my ushiten drabble was far too sweet.
> 
> Anywho, for Sarah, who I'm sure will read this fic:  
> Sorry not sorry lmao cry /lh
> 
> And here are the trigger warnings for this fic:  
> \- hanahaki disease, which would include the following:  
> \- blood  
> \- throwing up  
> \- feeling sick  
> \- suffocation  
> \- mention of organs  
> \- mention of surgery  
> \- gore
> 
> and also:  
> \- mention of car accidents and amnesia (very brief)  
> \- overthinking (in some aspects)  
> \- character death
> 
> So, I hope you enjoy this fic.

It hurt.

Everything hurt.

And even though Kenma didn't show it, he felt it sear through his chest when Kuroo ran off to the third gym after their practice, hiding it behind the facade of not caring and playing games.

He was glad that he didn't have to walk past that gym, he didn't want to see the way Kuroo looked at Tsukishima, the way he seemed just a tad bit more friendly.  
Kenma didn't want to see the love blossoming between them, much like the flowers blossoming in his lungs.

He scoffed while he walked back to their bedrooms, hands gripping his Gameboy tighter and his fingers pushing the buttons harder in an attempt to stop the sudden rush of tears.  
Pathetic.

He's so fucking pathetic.

The hair fell into his face, making him attempt to inhale and blow the strand away from his eye before choking, gasping as he coughed and stared at the small blood splatter on his screen.  
Kenma's eyes widened and his fingers started trembling slightly as he rushed back to the rooms, hastily wiping the blood away with his black shirt so that the others won't see it.

He passed by the restrooms, his own panic causing him to miss the retching sounds coming from it.

Soon enough, Kenma just sat in the room, still playing with his games as he tried to block out any thoughts in his head that Kuroo and Tsukishima are probably still out in the third gym, still playing and still laughing and being happy together.

Kenma's throat felt scratchy as his fingers pressed the buttons on his Gameboy, trying to finish a level while his mind drifted.  
Kuroo loved Tsukishima.  
Tsukishima loved Kuroo.

And Kenma loved Kuroo.

His chest ached and he heard the soft talking in the hallways as he muffled yet another cough with his t-shirt, watching with dismay glinting in his eyes as blood coated red flower petals covered part of his t-shirt before he felt a sharp sting in the back of his throat, coughing more.

The stinging wasn't residing and his hands dropped his Gameboy in favor of grabbing his throat and scratching at it, trying to stop the unbearable pain of thorns scratching along the inside of his throat.  
Kenma let out a whimper.

He didn't want this, he didn't want to die young.

Kenma gave a weak punch to his throat in frustration, only choking more as he rushed to the bathroom, missing the dark green flash of hair disappearing right around the corner.

He doubled over the toilet, his eyes slamming shut as he coughed out the petals that were clogging up his airway. He didn't want to open them again once he stopped, feeling the warm liquid rolling down the corners of his lips, tasting the metallic tang of blood coating his mouth.

He remembered the first time it had happened.  
It was back in middle school.  
Kuroo had a crush on a girl named Mitsuko, a beautiful girl indeed.

And Kenma had to pay the price, waking up one day, his throat itching and not stopping until he felt the urge to cough and cough, despair in his eyes as he saw a single petal fall on to his bed, the red petal coated in blood and spit.

Kenma's eyes had widened, had looked at the thing for a while more before his body shut down.  
This couldn't be it.

His fingers immediately flushed the contents in the toilet bowl and wiped his mouth clean when he heard the door to the bathroom open.  
"Kenma? Are you in here?" Kuroo's voice called, and Kenma's throat still felt scratchy, still uncomfortable but he still answered, albeit his voice sounding slightly off.

"What?"

"Ah, good, you're here. It's just that I usually find you sitting on your futon, playing games. I got worried when you weren't there, I thought maybe Hinata kidnapped you to set for him." Kuroo laughed, watched as Kenma stepped out of the bathroom and wash his mouth and hands, splashing water on his face as well.

"You should take a bath before you continue playing games, okay?"

Kenma just nodded, hated how his heart fluttered at how Kuroo cared about him when it was slowly getting harder to get air into his lungs or when the thorns of the rose bushes in his chest started tearing at his throat.

"Yeah... I will." Kenma could only mutter, his fingers twitching and shaking slightly, trying not to reach up to grab at his throat again.

How could he let his emotions get so far?

\--

Kenma waved as the train doors shut, watched as Kuroo's figure was distorted by the sudden speed the train took off on.  
A train to Miyagi.

Kenma felt the tickling of petals in the back of his throat, felt the thorns of the vines slowly scratching at it and causing him more discomfort as he started making his way out of the train station.

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat, his warm breath making small white clouds appear in front of his face. The darkness of the early sundown was taking place, the biting cold caused his fingers to freeze and his body to tremble.  
It was winter break, Kuroo wanted to surprise visit Tsukishima for a day or two.

Kenma was happy that Kuroo was happy, he truly was.  
But even he doubted those thoughts sometimes, like when he was draped over the toilet bowl, blood and flower petals spewing out of his mouth, his eyes rolling back and knuckles white from gripping the sides too hard, the pain too unbearable.

But all that would come was a silent scream, lips trembling and tears streaking his pale face.

Kenma pulled out a note from his pocket, eyes unchanging as he opened it.  
A note he had gotten from someone who suffered just like him.

It was a note for a doctor who would be able to do the surgery, a recommendation in case he wanted to go through with it, just like the other was contemplating to do.  
Kenma didn't even want to consider that option.

He didn't want to lose all emotions towards Kuroo, it pained him enough that the other wasn't that close to him anymore ever since Tsukishima stepped into their lives, but completely avoiding him or maybe even forgetting who Kuroo is would destroy both of them.

Kenma less, since he wouldn't remember. But he didn't want to put his best friend through that.

He sighed, then coughed as the air coming out of his mouth caused the petals to shift and touch a part of his throat, making his gag reflex act on getting whatever was in there out.

Kenma started making his way out faster, not wanting other people to notice him, to see him in this state.

His head was causing his vision to fail, eyes suddenly watching as the world began to spin by the way he couldn't get enough air into his lungs, the petals blocking its path.

They had been getting more since the time at the training camp, the quantity of the flower petals now around four or five as the year passed and Kuroo graduated, going to a nearby university that allowed him to visit by Kenma often.

Sometimes Kenma wished that that weren't the case. He didn't want to see Kuroo so starry-eyed, his relationship with Tsukishima only getting better by the month, the social media pages that used to all be about Kuroo and Kenma, Kuroo and Kenma, Kuroo and Kenma turning into that of Tsukki, Tsukki, Tsukki, Tsukki.  
It pained him.

But Kenma could do nothing about it as he received a message from Kuroo, blabbering on and on about the excitement he felt for when he finally reached the Miyagi prefecture.  
Kenma thought that Kuroo was stupid to not notice the changes in behavior.  
Then again, it may have been to be expected the more the raven-haired spent time to the middle blocker from Karasuno.

Still the other couldn't help but move to a secluded area, unable to muffle his coughs as he choked and sputtered on the petals, the vines. He heaved, wretched, doubled-over in pain as he finally, _finally_ spat out what had been lodged in his throat.

Kenma's felt the world spin around him as he stared at what had fallen to the ground, throat burning from the excruciating pain it had just endured.

A half of a red rose lay in the slowly melting snow, the blood splattering around to enhance the beauty of the scene. Perhaps it was pure terror Kenma felt in his bones though.

His hands reached to caress his throat.  
Maybe he should go through the surgery, this was moving far too quickly.

\--

He didn't go through with it.

Kenma felt like a coward. Nothing more but a pathetic, stupid coward.

He was too scared of hurting Kuroo that he couldn't seem to take care of himself, he realized as he stared at the wedding invitation that lay between his hands.

His throat was burning, he could taste the blood in his mouth, caused by the thorns breaking the skin, making him feel so sick.

It made him feel so, so sick.

Kenma closed his eyes in hopes that the tears wouldn't fall on to the invitation.  
He was going to go, of course, he was.

Regardless of how much it hurt him, he didn't want to hurt Kuroo by not going.

Kenma felt the pain of heartbreak seeping into the flower petals, felt it squeezing around his ribcage and suffocating him from inside as he started coughing uncontrollably, the piece of paper slipping from his hands and falling to the ground.

The blood mixed with his own saliva was dripping out of his mouth in strings, his tears had joined them with their descent to the wooden floor, squeezing itself around the petals that were lodged in the back of his throat.

Kenma's eyes snapped open as he spits out what had finally come out of his mouth, joined by a sob wracking through his body. The blood stuck to the long strands of still blond hair that were framing his face beautifully.

He stared and stared at the full-bloomed rose, sitting on the hardwood floor, felt dread creeping up his spine.

He had reached the final stages of this disease, where the blood would amplify, the pain would tenfold because he was now coughing up full flowers.  
It worsened because they were roses, the thorns pressing against his lungs and mouth.  
The vines and branches had wrapped itself around his lungs, already starting to come around Kenma's heart as well.

Kenma doubted the surgery would even be possible anymore for it was far too dangerous.  
He sighed, felt the pain of air passing the wounded area, and stared at the ceiling.  
Perhaps it was time for him to accept that he was going to die because of how much he loved Kuroo.

Because Kuroo was never, ever going to love him back, his heart would forever stay with Tsukishima's.

\--

He felt weak.

His fingers that used to press the buttons of his game consoles every hour of the day found themselves a new hobby; scratching at his throat until the skin tore away, leaving a bloody mess under his fingernails behind, the blood soaking into his black hoodie.

His heart was being squeezed by the vines, the thorns digging itself further and further.

Kenma couldn't help but smile.  
So it was over for him, the soonest the hospital could do the surgery would be in a week, but it didn't seem possible for him to stay alive another day.

All he wanted to do was keep his memories until after the wedding, but even that he couldn't do.  
He couldn't even stay until the end of the wedding, rushing out during the reception because the blood was filling his mouth, the rose petals had begun to make its way up his throat.

Kenma couldn't stand the way Kuroo looked at Tsukishima, the way his arm was wrapped around the blond's waist to kiss him deeply while they talked to others. He watched as Yamaguchi stood around Hinata and Kageyama, eyeing his best friend warily, as though he wasn't sure why he was here.

The more he thought back on it, the more flowers seemed to appear in the back of his throat, his vision blurry as he began choking on them, trying so hard to get them out so he could breathe, each cough causing the thorns to dig into and tear at the inside of his airways, each cough making his hands wrap tighter around his neck to stop the unbearable pain coursing through his body. Each cough that made the vines squeeze his lungs and heart more, each cough that made his head pound and ache.

Before Kenma knew it, he was kneeling on the floor of his apartment, blood splattering in front of him as he gagged and choked.

The petals finally started coming out, full-grown flowers dropping to the red ground before him, the burn in his throat not noticeable through the sheer fear and panic Kenma felt coursing through his veins.

He couldn't seem to stop coughing, the blood was forming a puddle that splashed around with every bloodied flower that seemed to pass his lips like a waterfall.  
His hair was falling around his face in strands, the tears covering his cheeks felt hot against his already flushed face.

Kenma's arms shook before they gave out completely, his legs trembling as he fell to the ground, feeling the liquid against his face as he tried to gasp air into the lungs, only receiving pain in return.

It felt like he was drowning, sobs racking through his body as he struggled for air, the flowers continuously being spat out in hopes that it would stop, that the pain of roses dragging itself out of his airways would dissipate.

Kenma wasn't sure if mere minutes or hours had passed as he slowly suffocated on the flowers and blood, eyes glassy and vision hazy.  
The sobs were getting weaker by the second, the world around him turning dark and he felt the life leaving his body as Kenma forced one last breath in order to say something.

Say something he had always wanted to say, but never could.

"I love you..."

Kuroo.

\--

Kuroo didn't notice that Kenma had suddenly disappeared, didn't know when he lost his best friend in the crowd because of how his eyes were trained up above, looking at Tsukishima with such love in his eyes, so happy with what had just happened.

Nothing would be able to ruin this day for him.

He had thought before he finally did notice.  
He noticed when Tsukishima excused himself to be with Yamaguchi, guiding him through everything because he had forgotten everything, it seemed.

Tsukishima told him that Yamaguchi got in a car crash, and therefore made him lose his memories about specifically Tsukishima himself, which was a little confusing but Kuroo wasn't going to dig further.

Kuroo had noticed that Kenma wasn't hanging around any of their former teammates, wasn't even around Hinata and after looking around the reception, he still couldn't find him.  
He checked the bathrooms, trying the hear the telltale signs of fingers clicking at buttons but the only thing filling his ears was silence.  
He felt worry creep up his back, grabbing his phone from his pocket and turning it on.

Nothing.

Kuroo knew that even if Kenma usually forgot to tell him where he was going, he would at least send a text message later on because he knew that Kuroo would always be worried for him.

Receiving nothing only amplified the worry, especially as he called and no one picked up, the call going to voicemail.

Kuroo couldn't help but walk back to Tsukishima, arms wrapping around the other's waist instinctively as he leaned down to whisper in his ear.  
"Kei-chan, Kenma is missing and I don't know where he went. Is it okay if I stop by his apartment real quick? It's only a few minutes away anyway."

Tsukishima only looked at him, an eyebrow raised but a smile resting on his face as he nodded.  
"Yeah, sure. I'll keep Yams some company then. Don't come back too late though, this isn't a Shinto-wedding so we don't have all day before our friends get impatient and want us to go away to our honeymoon or whatever."

Kuroo could only nod, smile, and kiss his husband before he headed off, wanting to see if Kenma had called or if anything had happened because again... Kenma would have said something if he suddenly had to leave.

As Kuroo walked towards the apartment, his face still in a small smile but eyes worried, he looked around.  
Kenma was probably fine. He probably got an email from his cooperation and had to rush home to do something about it.

He was fine.

Right?

Kuroo sighed, walked faster as he got to the busy part of Tokyo, outside of the secluded park where they had their wedding.

He made his way up the steps of the apartment complex, looked around once more before stopping in front of the door that would lead him to Kenma's living space.  
Kuroo let out bated breaths, knocking gently.

No answer.

He knocked again, louder this time because Kenma probably just couldn't hear him. Kenma probably had headphones on, or maybe he was streaming.

No answer again.  
Kuroo tried opening the door, eyes widening as the door opened.  
Kenma never left his door unlocked, always too worried about how his prized possessions may be stolen or how someone might come in and break his computer.

"Kenma?" Kuroo's voice rang out through the silent area, felt a chill run up his spine as he heard nothing. No clicking of a keyboard, no air conditioner or heater running, no quiet slurps of someone sucking a drink out of a straw, and no voice, commenting on the game or thanking people for donating.

"Kenma!" He called out again, fingers trembling slightly as he shut the door behind him and took off his shoes, stepping into the other's household.

Why wasn't he receiving an answer?  
Surly his voice was loud enough to overtone whatever Kenma was doing at the moment.

Kuroo stayed in the hallway for a moment longer, continued listening for anything before he finally made his way through the apartment.

The scene that awaited him filled him with shock, and terror.

"... Kenma?" Kuroo whispered, felt his hands start to shake uncontrollably as he stared at the body that lay on the kitchen floor, surrounded by blood and red roses. Red roses much like the ones that filled his wedding reception with such beauty.

Kuroo felt the sickness washing over him like cold water, almost gagged at the scene before he rushed to the blond's side.

"Kenma!" His voice yelled, grabbed the other, and turned him around before his eyes widened.

There Kenma stared back at him, eyes almost shut but the panic was still clear in his glossed-over eyes.  
His mouth was open, though Kuroo couldn't see inside it as the view was obstructed by red roses, the blood still dripping and smeared over his face as though it was a canvas for death to paint on.

And Kuroo couldn't tell how much time had passed as he stared and stared at the other's face, shook his body, and sobbed.

"Kenma."

"Very funny Kenma, where's the camera?"

"Kenma, this isn't funny anymore, stop pretending." As Kuroo mumbled those words, he couldn't even believe them because of the putrid smell of blood filling his nose.

"Kenma, you're not gone yet, are you? I'm getting you help." He whispered, but couldn't seem to move to call an ambulance as he held the other's body to himself, unable to care about the blood soaking into his suit.

Kenma's not gone, he's still alive, Kuroo is sure of it.  
This was all fake, he was sure of it.  
Kenma's wasn't much of a prankster but maybe someone dared him to do it, Kuroo was sure of it.

He couldn't seem to respond to the phone calls he had been getting over the course of time, his body shaking as he tried, again and again, to wake Kenma up, and _why wasn't Kenma waking up?_

Kuroo couldn't believe it, his mouth opened and his voice was barely a whisper.  
"Please don't leave me."

But Kenma was already long gone, the only thing to remember him by being the red roses that caused him so much pain.

\--

His funeral was dead silent.

Kuroo felt disgusted that his family persisted to put flowers around him when flowers were the cause of his death.  
He felt even worse, knowing that he was also at fault.

He didn't return Kenma's feelings, he didn't love him back.

Kuroo stood by the coffin for a long time, prayed that Kenma would be safe in the afterlife.  
He begged for forgiveness, couldn't help himself as he whispered "I'm sorry." over and over again as though Kenma could hear him.

But even then he knew it wasn't truly his fault.  
It never was.  
It wasn't his fault that he couldn't love Kenma the way Kenma loved him.

Because you can't force feelings on someone, regardless of how much the other was in pain.


End file.
